I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sarcasm needs its own font
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
