so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
