i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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