I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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