I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
