I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
