we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize