I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
