I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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