I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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