i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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