oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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