he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
