Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
