We won't sleep together?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
