Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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