I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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