I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
