i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
