The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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