You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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