Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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