It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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