Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,

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(630): View more from Illinois

We are two peas in an std pod

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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(630): View more from Illinois

hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?

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(240): View more from Maryland

This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.

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(416): View more from Toronto

In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP

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