And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
