I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
