found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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