I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
