I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Enjoy the penises
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
