btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
