she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
