I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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