Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
