we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
