i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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