Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
