Christians are straight up FREAKS
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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