i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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