Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
