thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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