At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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