it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
