their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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