I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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