MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
