Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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