my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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