I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
