my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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