Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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